"The Kids Are'nt Alright"

Thank you The OffSpring for this insightful comment as it fits so true.

I am fed up with the little s**ts around here. They are rude, loud, vandalising little arseheads from hell! Argggghhhh

Aside from the fact that over the past few months they have demolished all but one piece of our trelace, they now persit to destroy the rest of the fecnce by playing dodgeball against it with a leather football. This of course is apart from them throwing paint pallets at the garage door and continually jumping over into the garden to retrieve their football or BB pallets from their BB guns. I also had to dispose of empty bottles of beer and vodka they so kindly left us as a present in the garden!!!

I wish they would all just go away, to say it politely

Now I feel like Victor Meldrew

DATS AND COGS

Has anyone ever wondered what the produce of a cat and dog would look like- I know I have.

In today's world of equality for all, except maybe people who are below me, I think that mixed race relationships are a great idea- hell Im in one. But I dont really think about it like that. Im with my partner beacause they are right for me not because they are not white or are white, that doesnt come into it. So the same should be said for Cats and Dogs.

Now I know what your thinking - ideas of Black and White being different races is in fact derived from theories of Social Darwinism and scientific racism, and I completely agree that people who think like that are all tossers. So why do we place such restrictions on Cats and Dogs. Its silly really.

I am a strong propenent of the school of thought that Cats and Dogs are merely a matter of unnatural selection (bear in mind this school of thought was created in my strange head all of 20 seconds ago). I think that maybe a few hundred years ago someone took some pet Dats (or maybe they were called Cogs) and selectively bred them to produce cats and dogs, just like breeders do to produce pedigrees today.

Now, to those of you who have just remebered that cats have been around at least since the egyptians forget it. This was propaganda for the people who sold there selectively bred dats (or cogs). It was a marketing ploy to make people think they were buying something tried and tested.

So if you think that cats and dogs should be kept seperate and not allowed to like each other (yes in that way) then you my friend are a racist towards either cats or dogs, using your social darwanian ideas to stop the rise of the dats (or cogs).

So my friends, let out cats and dogs shrug of their social restraints and once more become what they truely are - dats (or cogs).

Owat Duck?

I was thinking today about potteries slang, and how much of it there is still about- not enough!

I propse we lobby Mr Farrely (MP for Stoke on Trent) to make it compulsory, not just in Stoke, not even a 10 mile radius, but in fact the whole country should be made to learn and use at least 3 potteries phrases per day.

So instead of asking for a game of football kids should now be saying once more "cos kick a bo". Alternatively people should always remind each other of trips up sha's back of josse's wher they kill dead osses and make blind monkeys squint.

Rainbow

Ive recently begun an inquiry into which is the best character from the television programme rainbow.

Here is a quick breakdown of the characters:

Geoffrey - he hangs aroung with puppets and a bloke in a bear suit - nuff said!

Zippy - the model for present day gimp suits. Also has a very shrill voice

George - evidently gay or recently subject to a sex change. Very small for a hippo - probably rejected by the others and so finds solice in working on a childrens programme

Bungle - a big bear, who lacks the brain cells of a small child - bigger not better.

Im really confused and need some help in finding out which character is best.

Please comment.

EDIT: I left out three characters, and actually they probably need a vote of their own. So, who is the best out of ..... Rod, Jane and Freddy.